Break A Leg
A wise old man or in the current politically correct climate’ person ‘, once said ‘ Break a Leg ‘. All these years I have just used these words as an equivalent to ‘ Best of Luck ‘, but now I know!
Breaking a leg is the Armageddon of fractures…..unless of course you go and break a back or something like that. The break is fine but the inactivity is what fractures your brain. You can only FB soooo much, you can only read so much, you can only watch so much TV.
The fracture becomes ‘ The Mother ‘ of all Armageddon’s when you are in the gap between one job and the next. So here I am keeping myself busy writing crap like this!
It basically means that once you break a leg….it can’t get any worse!
The Cast Comes Off
So after four agonizingly slow weeks, the cast finally comes off. Einstein was right time is elastic and is interchangeable with speed! I thought it was the end…..but noooo it was the beginning. Weeks of inactivity make a chicken’s legs look nicer!
The Doctor says nope, you are not going to put any weight on the foot yet, and I go right back to inaction, albeit lighter for the castless leg!
The Rehab Begins
So far the experience consists of the following exclamations!
– Why do there need to be so many steps!
– That pebble in front looks like a giant boulder!!
– Why is the pavement here so uneven!!!
– When do I get to walk with a cane!!!!
– When the F@#K do I walk like a normal person!!!!!
– Why do I need to go to the six letter word called T.O.I.L.E.T !!!!!!
The trick is to set goals for yourself, so as to knock off milestones. One of the first one’s I set myself was that I would walk to the hair-cutting saloon in the neighbourhood myself. This meant that by the time I finally got there I had a sizeable 10 week growth on the crown. You begin to feel like the Shaggy DA or Ivan Almighty!! Take your pick.
To get there, it took weeks of meticulous planning, almost like planning a NASA space launch.
– What is the best time of the day to get there ?
– What day of the week is best to get there ?
– What is the best path to get there ( read minimal obstacles )
When the haircut finally happened it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders!
The Voyage of discovery continues………now to find that three letter word called J.O.B !